A GOOD DIVORCE: CHILDREN

Focus on the children, if there are children involved.  Talk to your children about separation and divorce.  Children are afraid of being abandoned.  Develop a plan which provides for the children to have a continuing and meaningful relationship with both parents.  Children want and need to keep their relationships with each parent.  Reassure children they are loved, cared for, and protected by both parents.  Parents do not have to be friends during and after divorce.  Being considerate, civil, and businesslike is more realistic.

Think and speak in terms of "our kids".  From the children’s perspective, divorce does not end their family.  Rather, separation and divorce has reorganized their family into two (2) separate households.  Children of all ages need appropriate, not angry information, to help them cope with their parents’ separation and divorce, and manage their own thoughts and feelings.  It is important for parents to tell their children that any decision to separate or divorce was not caused by them; and was not in any way their fault.  Children are like sponges. They absorb everything going on around them.  Conflict hurts children.  Children must be protected from their parents’ conflict.  Parents must recognize that whenever and wherever possible, children need each of their parents.