A GOOD DIVORCE: COMMUNICATION

Communication is key.  Our choice of words does make a difference in how we talk to others.  Language does matter.  Avoid using language about the other party that is critical, judgmental, accusatory, blame-oriented, sarcastic, or inflammatory.  Avoid using words "fair" and "unfair". 

Instead, use words like "acceptable" and "unacceptable"; "agreeable" and "unagreeable"; "workable" and "unworkable"; because they allow room for reasonable people to differ.  Speak only for yourself.  Recognize the futility of arguing.  Manage your own emotions.  Strive to remain as cool, calm, and logical, as possible.  Minimize conflict.  Listen fully while the other party is talking instead of thinking about what you are going to say next.  Ask for more information on something that is not clear to you.  You can say "I understand" without meaning "I agree". 

The goals of communication with the other party are to be respectful; acknowledge what was said; and, move the conversation forward.